Tantric Disconnect

She said I didn’t understand her healing. I said I wasn’t trying to pass the exam.

How It Started

We were never officially a couple. But we were never not one either. One of those blurry, undefined situations that felt like a relationship. Just without the intimacy, or the clarity, or the safety.

From the beginning, she told me she had walls. Intimacy was hard. She was working on herself. She needed patience. I tried to offer that.

We texted like partners. Spent evenings like partners. She sent sweet messages. Got jealous if I saw anyone else. But we weren’t sleeping together. She said she wasn’t ready. Said she was healing. I believed her.

The Shift

Then one evening, she shared something new. She was going to regular tantric massage sessions. With a man she trusted. A professional, she said. It helped her reconnect with her body. Help her work through trauma. Nothing sexual, she clarified. But she was "learning to touch him... lovingly. Slowly. Tantrically."

I didn’t know what to say. II told her, carefully, that it made me uncomfortable. That it felt like she wanted the boyfriend experience from me, while outsourcing the physical connection elsewhere. It didn’t feel like growth. It felt like dissonance.

She looked at me, disappointed. Said I was being reactive. Told me her massage therapist, a deeply enlightened man, had warned her:
“Only a real partner would understand. Be careful who you share this with.”

But here’s the thing. I wasn’t a partner. And I wasn’t going to pretend to understand something I had no say in. It wasn’t an invitation. It was an ultimatum. Accept it, or you’re not worthy.

I didn’t want to pass that kind of test.

The Fallout

I told her I couldn’t do it. Not because I was insecure. Not because I needed control.

But because I saw the dynamic. And I didn’t want it. One where she asked for understanding, but offered no room for questions.

She told me I was using her vulnerability against her. That I had turned her confession into ammunition.

But I wasn’t angry. I just wanted out. I was tired of carrying the emotional weight of a relationship I wasn’t allowed to define or challenge.

She said she was in therapy. Said she didn’t feel empathy like I probably did. That she was wired differently. That this wasn’t a big deal to her. Because it served her.

To me, that was the problem. Because at some point, even the most open mind has to close the door to something that doesn’t feel homey.

Note to Self

Not every boundary is a fear response. Sometimes it’s just clarity showing up on time. When someone says your discomfort is immaturity, ask yourself if what they’re offering is connection, or just compliance dressed up in language you’re too polite to challenge.

You don’t have to be enlightened enough to betray yourself. Some red flags wear robes and speak in spiritual metaphors.